Blog - posted on February 19, 2016

The FBI versus Apple, Trojan condoms, and maternity wards.

Tim Cook, Apple, and Trojan versus FBI and CIA
In the wake of the FBI and a U.S. judge ordering Apple to reverse-engineer their encryption software to allow the FBI to access data on the San Bernadino shooter’s iphone, the court has also made other demands while (in the words of Donald Rumsfeld) “the iron is hot”. While Apple resists the court order, the FBI and CIA have filed another request that Trojan condoms be compelled in the fight against ISIS. While Apple CEO Tim Cook has his hands full, Trojan brand condoms are looking to empty their reserves. (what?)

The FBI has also asked the California judge to order Trojan condoms to: “…create and  distribute prophylactics laced with: (1) herpes simplex-1, (2) chlamydia, and (3) full strength dark ages gonorrhea”.  The sexually transmitted diseases are also ordered to: “…be incorporated in the lubrication via a suspended animation matrix, comprised of nano-capsules that can be activated and released at the discretion of including, but not limited to the: FBI, CIA, NSA, ATF, DOD, DOJ, and HondaTnr239 from the SpeedTriple.com chat forum.
The FBI has been pushing for the potentially dangerous condoms in the wake of discovering that some of the terrorist cells throughout Europe and the middle east have been found to visit prostitutes and strip clubs in the days before engaging in terrorist attacks. The NSA and CIA want the ability to render these potential terrorists inoperative through the use of STD’s, making them unable to carry out attacks against the U.S. or its allies. The nano-capsules would be ruptured by way of RF transmissions sent from USAF remote drones, releasing the venereal disease during the act of sexual intercourse, and save American lives. The government seeks to protect innocent Americans by giving our agencies the ability to utilize a “back-door” to thwart possible terrorists before they even get up to fetch a towel. The National Security Agency stated that creating such a method to preemptively infiltrate the genitals of potential terrorists would be akin to building a large wooden statue that appears to have a benefit for the recipient, yet contains within it the means for their destruction.
When asked if the proposed plan could open the door for risks for innocent civilians, or damage the reputation and public trust of Trojan brand condoms, spokesman for the Rothschild-World Bank-Freemason co-op stated, “You worry too much, go grab a Big Mac and watch a sitcom”.
The CIA has just filed a motion in Federal Court (citing the All Writs act of 1789) that requests forcing all maternity wards to implant mind control chips in babies born after 03/01/16. The chip would allow the CIA to turn those children into; “embedded assets in situations requiring neutralization or liquidation of domestic enemy combatants”.
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Mike Storck

In case you were wondering, yes… this is a joke.

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